Always and Forever
by alwaysbatogether
Summary: Breaks from the cannon on Buffy's 17th birthday....but where will it go?
1. Backstory and a new life

The night of Buffy's 17th birthday two life-changing events take place as a result of Buffy and Angel making love. Event one is that Angel loses his soul because he achieved perfect happiness. The second event is that Buffy is now pregnant even though she doesn't know it. Assume that the rest of the season goes along as the TV series portrayed until the last scene between Buffy and Whistler at the end of Becoming Part 2. In my story Whistler's last message to Buffy is this "If he ever were to return then his soul would be permanent, but only you have the ability to find the answer within." Of course, Buffy thinks that Whistler means if Angelus were to turn back into Angel, but he really means that if Angel ever returns from hell…the closing fight of Becoming Part 2 goes the same way – nothing changes there and Buffy has to send the love of her life to hell. After sending Angel to hell Buffy understands what Whistler meant. She packs up and heads to LA thinking about what Whistler said and believing that she may have already failed, but still clinging to the hope that Angel will return to her one day. Nothing will ever be the same again. And this is where my story really begins.

Buffy arrives in LA during the middle of the day and gets easily lost in the crowded streets. She has no particular destination in mind, she just keeps walking around the city. Sometimes she looks up at the surrounding buildings and recognizes them from her life in LA before she was the slayer. Amazing how that was just over two years ago, so much changed so fast and she's not sure her world will ever stop spinning. As the sun begins to set Buffy finally realizes that she needs a place to spend the night. Now that she has a mission in mind she picks up her place, but really still doesn't have a clue as to where she's headed. She just lets instinct guide her steps. Buffy stops outside a rundown hotel that has the name "Hyperion" still written across the building. Not caring why she felt it right to stop here Buffy goes in without further hesitation, but keenly aware of her surroundings in every possible direction. The inside looks worse than the outside, but it's a roof anyway. Then a well-known feeling rises within her. Her slayer blood and instincts are screaming that there is a demon very near. Buffy throws her bag down and goes on the hunt, determined to make the hotel her demon free home. Buffy finds the demon in room --. They fight a lot and talk little. Buffy isn't up to her usual smart mouth comments while fighting demons. But is able to take out her pent up feelings on the demon and soon defeats him. Having defeated the demon completely on her own gives her a little self-confidence and the desire to do more for herself. Buffy settles in for her first night there wishing that Angel was with her. She dreams of him that night (the dream shown in the first episode of season three).

After dreaming about Angel Buffy decides to see if she can come up with a way to bring him back. Buffy, still thinking about Angel, decides to research him first. But instead of researching him as a demon she wants to look up Ireland in 1753 and before. She wants to know more about the culture that Angel was born into and grew up in before Darla turned him. The most interesting subject to Buffy is the tradition surrounding the Claddagh ring Angel gave her on her birthday and she begins her search there. On the public library's internet and in their history section Buffy finds all she needs to on the ring. She feels that bringing Angel back is tied to the ring. It doesn't take long to find out that in Angel's time the exchanging of two Claddagh rings followed by the consummation of the relationship legally binds the couple as man and wife, and that the rings are supposed to be worn by each until the day that each dies. Only after one's death can the ring be removed and then either passed on to other family members or buried with the deceased. Buffy's first response was to wonder why Angel hadn't told her all of this when he had given her the ring. But then figured that he didn't want to scare her or that maybe he didn't still believe in all the traditions two hundred years later. No matter what his reasoning had been, and Buffy also admitted that maybe he just hadn't had time, she decided to perform a wedding ceremony on her own. She wanted the chance to tell Angel how much she loved him…and she hoped that in doing so it would bring him back. She was convinced that their love for each other would never allow them to be parted forever. At the Hyperion that night Buffy lit some white candles, took out her Claddagh ring from Angel and spoke her wedding vows to him into the empty night that invaded the hotel. "I, Buffy Summers, do solemnly swear to love, honor, and cherish Angel for all of time. Angel, even though you are no longer with me I know that you still love me and I promise to remain faithfully yours in the hopes of reuniting with you somehow, somewhere, one day. You are still the only person I have ever been in love with and love is the only thing that makes sense to me anymore. I don't know how I am supposed to go on without you here, even seeing you as Angelus made it somewhat easier than it is now knowing that you're in hell. I will always love you. Forever, that's the whole point."

After letting her heart spill out to the empty room Buffy slipped the Claddagh ring onto her left ring finger, laid down on the pallet she had made and cried herself to sleep. As Buffy does so Angel suddenly appears in the middle of a clearing in a forest outside the city of Galway in Ireland. The only thing Angel was wearing was his own Claddagh ring on his left ring finger also.


	2. Surpises and Letters

The next day Buffy starts looking for a job in LA so that she can buy the things like food and clothes that she needs. One of the first places she spots is a gym only two blocks from her new home at the Hyperion. They have a sign in the front window "now hiring martial arts instructors." Feeling like this would be right up her alley Buffy goes in and applies for the job. An hour of paperwork and one audition later Buffy has a job. She even gets to teach her first class that night.

Over the next week the classes go well and Buffy likes the other trainers on staff. She is able to keep up her workout routine and patrols for a couple hours each night. The vamps in LA aren't used to having the Slayer to deal with and Buffy is able to start putting a dent in their population. Overall, Buffy's attitude and demeanor have improved from deeply depressed to just plain sad. She puts on a good front at the gym by always staying upbeat, but even then she never smiles or laughs. A week after starting at the gym Buffy begins getting sick in the mornings. She also gets nauseous at work twice and fearing something is wrong the other instructors convince her to see a doctor.

At the doctor's office she in for the surprise of her life. The doc insists on a full work up and the next day she calls Buffy back into the office to talk about the results. "Buffy we have your results and I would life for you to prepare yourself for some news that I believe is going to be rather unexpected," the doctors say's calmly. Buffy takes a deap breathe having no clue as to what the doctor is about to tell her. The doc continues, "Buffy you're pregnant." Buffy hears the words the doctor says and understands what they mean but beyond that she's lost for the moment. Buffy listens to everything the doc has to say, thanks her, and leaves. Class that night is fine, but Buffy was just going through the movements by habit and instinct. All her thoughts were concentrated on the life she would now be responsible for and how it came to be.

Lying on her mat at the Hyperion that night Buffy goes over everything in her head. She knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Angel is the father. After all, he's the only guy she has ever been with. But she's confused since he's a vamp and technically dead and vamps aren't supposed to be able to have kids. Buffy decides to keep working until she has enough money saved to fly to Ireland. She feels drawn to go there and believes this feeling exists because she wants her and Angel's child to know about the land where Angel comes from. Before she leaves she writes a letter to her mother, one to Willow, and one to Giles.

Willow,

I know that "sorry" doesn't make up for me leaving without saying anything to you, and I know that I should have written before now. But, I am sorry – for how I left things, for how I dumped the Hellmouth without a slayer into your lap, but most of all for not being the best friend to you that you have been to me. I know that you would never have told Xander to tell me to kick Angel's ass. I have had hope that one day Angel (I sent Angel to hell not Angelus) would return to me but I am moving on and beginning to believe that he will only survive in my heart. I hope that's good enough for me someday. I'm telling you this so that you can begin to understand why I ran. I also hope that one day you will be able to forgive me and be my best friend again. I promise to write or call on a regular basis and that I'll come home again one day. Please promise not to look for me and find me as long as I don't want to be found – I need to do this on my own for a while. If I get into too much trouble I'll let you know.

Love always,

Buffy

Giles,

I'm alive and well, I need for you to know that. I also need for you to try and understand that I need to be on my own right now. One day I will return but it won't be soon, so don't look for me – at all. I ran away because I was expelled from school and my mother's home, and I sent the love of my life to hell. You know how it feels to lose someone you love that much – please use that experience to begin to understand what I am going through right now. In the fight that ended with my mother kicking me out of the house I tried to explain to her that I am the slayer and that no matter what I cannot change that. And just so you know – I no longer want that to change. I understand now that this is what I have to do, but I also understand why all the slayers before me were alone. Without people around you that you love it's harder to be hurt when the innocent people around you end up dying. That's part of the reason I need to be alone right now. Okay, enough ramble about that, back to my mom. I need you to talk to her and better explain things to her than I did. She deserves to know the truth about my life. She will probably even let you finish the "Into every generation" speech. I also want you to know that I am going to continue fighting evil to the best of my ability wherever I am. And I know this probably won't mean too much, but I'm sorry.

Thanks for everything and for being you!

Buffy

Mom,

I really don't know what to say here. I know that you probably didn't mean what you said about "if you leave now don't ever come back," but in the moment you said it you meant it. I love you and never wanted to hurt you. Talk to Giles – he'll be able to explain things better than I did that day. He knows about everything because he too has a secret identity. He was (is) my watcher. Please don't be mad at me forever. I'm sorry that I can't let you help me, but I really am okay and doing much better than when I first left Sunnydale.

I love you – never forget or doubt that Mom!

Buffy


End file.
